I am having to learn and re-learn that Max’s signs of stress/anxiety/insecurities stem from him thinking something is expected of him but not knowing what or how to carry it out, and I have consequently responded in a way that perhaps reinforced his anxiety rather than alleviate it.

For example, the minute I wake up (and earlier also a couple of times during the night), he comes to me, trembling and whimpering, and I have taken that to mean that he needed lots of affection and reassurance, and – considering his occasional “leaking” – perhaps also a quick toilet trip outside. Our days therefore started with me showering him with affection and then throwing on yesterday’s clothes and taking him downstairs – before I even had my morning coffee – many who know me would have considered that a physical impossibility.

Yesterday morning and this morning, all I have done is tell him, lovingly, to go to his pillow, which on both mornings he did, even with a spring in his step as if to say that was all he needed to know, and immediately curled up. And I have had my morning coffee before anything else, including feeding him.

So I keep having to remind myself that the type of reassurance an anxious dog needs is to be asked to go back to sleep. Or, as in the cases where he gets really nervous when the doorbell rings, I tell him to go to “his” room, he also goes off, seemingly happily, almost as if relieved that he does not have to deal with this at all.

I should also stop second-guessing him when it comes to the need for a pee. He shows that need very clearly by sitting by the door and looking at his leash, and he actually does not need that first-thing-in-the-very-early-morning trip downstairs as long as we have been out at some time during the evening.

The chart which Astrid sent me about “happiness psychology” depicting results of studies showing what a dog needs in order to be happy (vs what a human needs, for comparison) will have to become reflected in the way I handle Max: Human happiness: 70% affection, 20% Exercise, and 10% discipline. Dog happiness: 20% affection, 40% Exercise, and 40% discipline.

Which probably explains why Max is already resigning himself, seemingly quite contentedly, to a couple of the other new house rules: He is, for now, not allowed on the sofa or the couch, and he has to sleep somewhere other than in my bedroom. Much harder for me than for him 😊. More about this in one of the next posts.