Category Archives: In my opinion

Corona Diary II

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From 25 October to 31 December 2020.

TO BE CONTINUED IN CORONA DIARY III.

Continued from “Things I can photograph without leaving home” and “My Corona Diary“.

Now in lockdown 2, spending three to four days in a row at home, avoiding the crowds as well as the U-Bahn – which is probably a cesspool at the best of times. Most of the time only going out to food shop and once or twice a week to the outskirts of Berlin for walks in nature.

31 December

The moon shortly before setting this morning:

I bought these air purifiers and installed them a week ago. They claim to clean the air not only of viruses but also of particles, and since I live in a rather busy street with (far too much) motorised traffice, I thought they might be a good investment even though I have no visitors at all these days/weeks/months/(years?).

According to the instructions, when switched on, they should keep a distance of at least 1 m to walls and other objects, because otherwise, particles risk landing on the surroundings. (So this is a practical issue, and not at all a safety issue). That kind of distance is obviously not always convenient, so I have placed one of them closer to both a wall and to some small tables with white tops. After a week, I am not observing much more dust than normally, so this is a “problem” easily solved by a dust cloth or hoover.

In the photo, they look larger than they are. The tallest one is about 65 cm tall.

Counting the hours till it is no longer too early to open a bottle of champagne (although normally, I am much more of a redwine kinda gal), I am reminded of this famous quote:

30 December

Moon setting across the street.

Today was going to be one of the – to use a term which arose during the first lock-down in spring – “stay-the-f…-home” days, but the weather was too good, so – back to the cemeteries, this time Standort Friedhof Lilienthalstraße and Dreifaltigkeitsfriedhof I.

28 December

This morning, BBC World is running a programme called “Europe’s migrant crisis five years later”. This is starting to get on my nerves. Although It is certainly a crisis, to put it mildly, for the migrants, for Europe it is a crisis of xenophobia, bloody-mindedness, mean-spiritedness, inhumanity, and lack of empathy and solidarity, as well as a glaring lack of political will to solve an issue which ought to be a piece of cake for an area as large, wealthy, priviledged, and some even say enlightened (yeah, well, just keep thinking that and it may come true one day) as Europe.

27 December

A few token vaccinations took place yesterday and today, the real “roll-out” starts. According to a plan I saw and posted a few days ago (below), my age group will be vaccinated in August/September.

For now, numbers are still high, and they are talking about extending the current lockdown beyond 10 January.

Although I actually enjoyed the eerie quiet, after four days indoors, I need to get out, and have a walk (with my camera) planned for today, and one (with a friend) planned for tomorrow. That’s two walks in two days. This is turning into an insanely busy schedule.

Oh – nearly forgot: First snow fell yesterday. Did not last long, and did not stay, but for about ten minutes, I saw several children jumping up and down in ecstacy on the balconies across the street :-).

Photos from my walking visit to the cemeteries at Südstern

Since I am not using public transport at all during this lockdown, somebody advised me to go to this place, which is within walking distance for me, for bird photography.

24 December

Playtime!

21 December

Solstice. Feeling pessimistic nonetheless. I fear the next year will be worse than this year, Corona-wise. This virus is mutating faster than rabbits breed, and it is just a matter of time before a new strain appears which is resistant to the known vaccines, if it is not already there.

For me, I feel priviledged to not have to worry about unemployment during this lockdown, and to be able to spend it in a nice home I really like. I have lived my life, fortunate to be born in the best decade and part of the world – the 1950s, Denmark, with all civil and political rights served to me on a silver platter (not to mention a roof over my head, three daily meals, and no wars), never had to fight for anything, so it does not matter whether I live or die. And I have to admit that the thought of being spared the indignities of old age and the ugliness of becoming dependent on other people’s help, is attractive and has been on my mind for a long time already. My mother spent six months in an old peoples’ home before she died and all she talked about was her wish to die and I could not blame her. Ending up in one of those places is indeed a fate worse than death.

However, I feel sorry for all those who thought they had a long life to live, and plans ….. But I just don’t think we can beat this one any time soon. If I am still alive by then, it will be interesting to see whether things really are worse than now on this day next year, or whether I will have been proven wrong.

I am just wondering how long I have to look at all this ugliness. These days, in this restricted, locked-down world, it is easier for me to avoid seeing my own ugly face in the mirror than to see this – first, last, and in between:

Cresco Urban Yurt

Cresco Real Estate

Schön & Sever

20 December

One of the things I have learned during lockdown that I was never aware of is that we need daylight – daily – in order to be able to produce the melatonin which we will need in the evening in order to fall asleep and get a good night’s sleep. (I am not even sure I was fully aware just how important sleep is).

This makes me feel even more priviledged to have a balcony. Even though I want to stick to my self-imposed regime of staying at home about four to five days a week during this lockdown, I have a place to step out onto, away from traffic noise, where I can sit, breathe, watch the clouds float by, read, and hope for a bird or two to turn up for a photo op (even if it is usually only dumb pigeons, and a bit too far away).

19 December

It is strange not to be busy preparing the usual end-of-year parties.

Some years, I have had a pre-Christmas glögg, followed by a curry to balance things out, party. Those have actually been my season’s favourite.

Christmas does not mean much to me, other than an excuse to share good food and wine with family (when I was still living in Denmark), and now friends. As far as I recall, I did not enjoy it much even as a child. I remember it as a time of the year with too many expectations of everything having to be perfect and done in a certain way, not to mention sequence. And as for the infamous Danish Christmas lunches – I always actively hated them and attended as few as possible.

After moving to Luxembourg in January 1976, I and a Danish friend thought it was fun to hold traditional Danish Christmas dinner in early December for non-Danish friends and colleagues, and as far as I recall, we went overboard with the traditions. Of course we all then went our separate ways over the holidays and only came back in early January.

Then, after I moved back to Denmark late 1985, for a number of years while my niece was a child, Christmas Eve was fun. But that is just about the sum of it.

Actually, this Christmas, I would have been spending in Denmark, for once, since my niece had invited me to a combined housewarming and Christmas dinner on 24 December. But that was not to be. A pity in a way, but on the other hand, apart from seeing my brother and his family again, I have no particular desire to visit Denmark.

Since I moved to Berlin in January 2016, every 24 December I have either eaten out with a friend in a really good restaurant, or invited a handful of like-minded people to a “this-is-NOT-Christmas-dinner” dinner at my place.

This year, like for so many others around the world, and many more than normally: An empty house. The upside: I am going to have a whole duck (and a whole bottle of redwine …) to myself on 24 December 😊, and I can slop around in my most comfortable clothes. The duck is already in the freezer, organic, free-range, “aus der Region”, raised by a friend of a friend. I have not made up my mind whether I will cook it this way: https://www.hellemoller.eu/2012/11/17/vietnamese-roast-duck-vit-quay/, or that way: https://www.hellemoller.eu/2012/10/05/malay-braised-duck-in-aromatic-soy-sauce/.

Incidentally, I find people who now whine about not being able to spend Christmas exactly the way they normally do, pathetic and hypocritical. Not only are they completely forgetting about all those who usually have to work over the holidays, but more importantly, they are completely ignoring all those who have been displaced, as refugees, and the younger generations separated from the oldest generations, and have been unable to celebrate anything together for years, AND without knowing whether they will ever see them again. They are also forgetting how they often complain about the pressure put on them to have a picture-perfect, idyllic, whale of a time year after year, and in many cases having to spend the time with people they don’t even particularly want to spend time.

That was my penny’s worth about Christmas. I am looking forward to the peace and quiet, and just for once – I am hoping for snow 😊! It would at least temporarily change the views from my flat and make my street – not the most attractive street by any stretch – more photogenic.

My usual New Year’s Eve party, with anything between ten and around 22 (as far as I remember) people, lounging around, sipping champaign, and watching the fireworks from my 6th floor perch, is of course also not going to happen. In any case, fireworks are becoming so reviled – for many good reasons – and politically incorrect, that those days are probably over anyway. This year, Corona has been an excuse for banning the purchase of fireworks which I am sure will pave the way for a more general ban in the future. Good for the air quality and for the pets, especially the dogs.

For my part, with no fireworks to watch at all, I am not sure I can be bothered to put on a party on 31 December ever again, or even stay awake till midnight :-). I think also in future I will prefer to spend the evening reflecting on the past, present and future, and this year, I have a lot to think about and decisions to make, and some more “dead wood” (metaphorically speaking) to let go of. And persuading myself I have reasons to stay in Berlin and not move to somewhere on the North Sea.

Anaway, what I meant to post were some more photos I took with that 85mm which is causing me so much trouble. I am wondering what that lens is actually for. No matter what I do or photograph, the photos turn out soft and grainy. (But I did know that it was the completely wrong lens for the first photo :-)).

18 December

Had to go and catsit for a couple of days in Prenzlauer Berg. Brought the Canon 85 mm, 1.2 II USM with me to practise. A heave beast of a lens that I can’t get the hang of at all, which can be seen here:

If anybody sees this, and has tips on how tame that lens, they will be very welcome.

17 December

15 December

Last day of “Lockdown Light”. Tomorrow, Germany goes into a “hard lockdown”, in the first instance till 10 January. No big difference for me personally, except I have decided to avoid public transport altogether and therefore will not be going on any long walks on the outskirts of Berlin.

On the positive side, here is some evidence that the sun IS still there, somewhere:

14 December

Starting the week on a negative note, or two, rather – then it can only get better from now on :-).

  1. As if the stinking, noisy, waste-of-space, lethal weapons that are private cars do not do enough damage to our eco-systems, in every sense of the word, Mercedes-Benz has found a way to also send a maximum amount of black printer-toner into circulation. No less than eight full newspaper sized pages with a black background. Well done Mercedes-Benz. And congratulations to Tagesspiegel for distributing this work of genius.

2. It turns out that several of my (so-called) friends are anti-vaxxers. They are old enough to have survived epidemics such as measles and polio thanks to decisions their wiser parents once made on their behalf. So they are also hypocrites. In the case of COVID-19, it is a civic duty for those who can to be vaccinated in order to obtain the essential herd immunity so that as many people as possible can start living as normal lives as possible some time within the coming year (2021).

People with such anti-social attitudes need not contact me any more. It is simply too depressing to realise just how many people are against vaccinations for no other reason than that it is what the authorites recommend; or stupid enough to believe in conspiracy theories, and some even in that video where medical professionals from around the world claim that Covid19 does not exist and that the vaccine is designed to sterilise girls and women. The pharmaceutical companies ought to sue the whole lot of them.

13 December

Another misty morning. There have been many of those this month.

12 December

11 December

This walk from S-Bahn Station Waidmannslust along Hermsdorfer See and part of Tegeler Fließ, past Gedenkstätte ehemalige Grenzsperre (Mahnmal Stalinrasen), round tiny Waldsee and to Auenhof café and gallery (not as friendly a place as it looks, but perhaps it is hard to be particularly friendly at these times) and past Dorfkirche Alt-Reinickendorf: https://www.komoot.com/tour/293133836.

Together with the walk to and from Anhalter Bahnhof that was only about 10,5 km – not good enough, so I will have to make up for it next week :-).

I definitely want to go back to “Steg durch Tegeler Fließ”. The following is a reminder to myself of the types of wildlife one can alledgedly see there:

8 December

I thought I was going to walk around Flughafensee in Tegel. More fool me for not checking first whether that was actually possible. It is not.

What I did see of the lake was lovely, but soon you get to the bird protection area along the western shore of the lake. On the side away from the lake, this area is fenced in (although with an easy view to the area, if not to the lake).

I followed that fence, thinking that sooner or later, I would be able to get back to the lake, but soon met a considerably more aggressice fence which turned out to run along the security zone of Tegel Airport (which closed a couple of weeks ago).

I only really managed to take photos of two birds, both spotted while I was waiting for the bus. One is a cormorant in flight. I don’t know what the other one is, but it was nice of it to sit still long enough.

This is the route. Starting point is U-Bahn Station Holzhauser Straße. End point is where I took the bus (133) back to the same station. https://www.komoot.com/tour/292517821. A nice day out although it turned out a bit different from what I had expected.

6 December

It is a different scenery every morning.

I wonder if that is Mars:

5 December

For a couple of minutes this morning, the sunrise looked like this.

4 December

Tegeler See revisited with a lens better suited for cormorant photography.

Supporting my local restaurants during lockdown. A sacrifice ;-). This evening from Himmel 8 in Ritterstraße, delivered by Wolt.

3 December

One of my few concessions to the season. That is not too christmassy, even for me.

2 December

Moon setting on a day that feels frosty-misty. Or misty-frosty.

Later spotted this outside the Jewish Museum and then played a little bit with it in Lightroom. Autumn colours are my favourite and I am sorry they are almost gone. It has been a long and very lovely autumn in Berlin, though.

Now I have to start working on my dislike of the colour green so that I might end up liking spring almost as much as I like autumn.

1 December

This year has been great for tidying up and discarding “dead wood”, literally and metaphorically.

Anyway, back to the tangibles: Found this old cutting – such as it is, but my mother never bothered with petty details such as source and date – of my father (second from the left) and colleagues just before a performance at the royal theatre. It is probably not the case any longer, but back in the day, the fire brigade (also civil servants) was present behind the scenes in all non-private theatres and concert halls, (hopefully) unbeknownst to the audience. That was just about the only part of the job my father liked. As an added bonus, when a performance or concert was not sold out, he was able to sneak me in for free 😊.

30 November

After three days indoors at home I needed to get out, despite the cold, grey and misty weather. I took the S-Bahn (not particularly full) to Tegel and walked to Tegel Hafen, along the lake, to “Dicke Marie” (alledgedly the oldest tree in Berlin), to some wild animal enclosures and a bit further before returning towards Schloß Tegel which turned out to be unapproachable, and home via the same station. A little less than 15 km in total.

28 November

Berlin has been a hotspot for a while now, and in today’s news came the gloomy statistic that one person dies of or with Covid19 every 100 minutes.

25 November

I know it is foggy when I can’t see the top of the buildings on Potsdamer Platz. When I finally arrange to go for a walk with a friend, we pick the foggiest day this autumn. Will we able to see each other with the distance we are supposed to keep?

At the Landwehrkanal:

24 November

Sunrise. Taken with the 35mm macro lens because there was no time to change lenses. It came out quite well. That is increasingly a favourite lens.

22 November

Guess a macro

15 November

Sunrise, and sunrise reflected, in what used to be the Postbank Building, and in some pigeons enjoying the view.

Beetroot goat cheese waffles:

https://www.hellemoller.eu/2020/11/15/beetroot-cheese-waffles/

14 November

On 13 November, they found a “Blindgänger” – an undetonated, WW2 US bomb about 550 m from my building (this still happens once or twice a year). Today, they started evacuating around 7.500 people from buildings within a radius of 300 m. The Jewish Museum (Architect Danish Libeskind) is within that radius. Surrounding streets were blocked from traffic and the area filled up with police cars and Red Cross vans. Around 18.00, the bomb had been diffused and traffic returned to normal. Or as normal as it gets during this lockdown.

Later, on my balcony:

13 November

On the way back from LPG:

9 November

A dark and misty day.

While I was – exceptionally – out most of the day, on Museum Island, at Hallesches Tor, and at a couple of other places on the way, trying to take photos for this week’s assignment for this online course: Every Place has a Story, co-presented by C/O Berlin and Strudelmedialive, and taught by Anja Hitzenberger, I also took these photos:

8 November

It’s a new world.

7 November

Still practising, and making the best of an epic fail.

5 November

A Beautiful walk round Straussee, to and from Strausberg Stadt, on the S5. Walking round a lake reduces the risk of getting lost, although with my pathetic orientation skills, you never know. Only problem: The sound of cars, more or less distantly, pretty much all the way.

4 November

In the morning I was watching CNN in disbelief that it was not exactly a landslide. After three or four hours, John King’s speed-talking and the speed at which he was able to compute incoming results, and their consequences and possible scenarios in his head was making my head swim and the good weather and fresh air called my name.

I also wanted to take these two beasts out for the first time – arrived yesterday, from me to me – just because A) like so many others, I am not spending money on most of what I used to spend money on, and I won’t be for what is probably going to end up being a period of about two years, if not forever: travel outside Germany; concert, opera, theatre and cinema tickets; and clothes and shoes – apart from a pair of really good walking shoes, and B) to make sure one birthday wish came true:

I no longer had time to go further afield so I opted for a walk along the Landwehrkanal to Urbanhafen. A bit repetitive, but plenty to practise on.

3 November, shortly after sunrise

The weather looks promising, but since I am not planning on going out, it is kind of irrelevant (for me, this is day four in the first set of Corona-imposed stay-at-home days during this second lockdown), and I actually have a very different birthday wish this year – just one – a big one – and I’m sure most of the rest of the world is joining me in keeping everything that can be crossed crossed.

Later, on my balcony:

2 November PM

Weather improved, and expecting my much-looked-forward-to photography course in Amrum in December to be cancelled any day now, it is time to find a different approach.

2 November AM

Day one of second lockdown in Germany. And fittingly, the greyest, rainiest day so far this autumn.

31 October

30 October

29 October

I went for a lovely walk in Tegeler Forst.

28 October

27 October

25 October

My first walk with Berliner Wanderclub.

Please stop calling it “Europe’s Migrant Crisis”

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No, CNN and BBC World, it is – still – not “Europe’s migrant crisis”. It is certainly a crisis, to put it mildly, for the migrants. But for Europe, it is a crisis of xenophobia, bloody-mindedness, mean-spiritedness, inhumanity, and lack of empathy and solidarity, as well as of political will to solve an issue which ought to be a piece of cake for an area as large, wealthy, and some even say enlightened (yeah, well, just keep thinking that and it may come true one day) as Europe.

Pænt goddaaaaaarrrrrrgh

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Er jeg den eneste, der får lyst til at slå ihjel hver gang nogen siger “pænt goddag”? Det var muligvis morsomt første gang man hørte det. Dengang børn forventedes at opføre sig ordentligt og mor eller far kunne finde på at sige ting som ”sig pænt goddag” og der så var en opvakt møgunge, der lod som om han eller hun tog det bogstaveligt. Men det må være omkring 40 år siden, og i mellemtiden lyder det ulideligt præpubertært, når stort set ALLE efterhånden siger det – og det er ikke længere kun  telefonsælgere, der plaprer det lige ind i ens øregang – sågar voksne TV-personligheder, ingen nævnt, ingen glemt, siger det ustandseligt.

For et stykke tid siden var der en der i et læserbrev i Politiken skrev, at hun havde været til en – ovenikøbet potentielt meget alvorlig – samtale med en læge på et hospital, og var blevet mødt med et “pænt goddag” (fik jeg nævnt, at det var af en læge!?!). Det er jo komplet useriøst og en uhørt fornærmelse. Jeg havde omgående bedt om at komme til at tale med en anden.

Ting jeg ikke vil savne, når jeg flytter ud af Danmark

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  1. Først og fremmest selvfedmen og fremmedfjendskheden, som bl.a. kommer til udtryk i den subtile form for ’etnisk udrensning’, der udøves koldt og kynisk.
  2. Måden hvorpå den danske stat af samme grund i tyve år har saboteret Det Europæiske Miljøagenturs tilstedeværelse i Danmark, og gjort det klart for mine ikke-danske kolleger (og dermed også mig), at vi ikke var velkomne, for eksempel ved at nægte at udstede CPR-numre eller tilsvarende til mine kolleger, så de dårligt har kunnet slå en prut her, og alt (bank, telefon, bibliotek, kursustilmeldinger, osv. osv. osv.) derfor har været ti gange mere besværligt for dem, og der har sågar været mange eksempler på læger, der har nægtet at tilse folk, inklusive syge børn, p.g.a. det manglende personnummer. På trods af, at EU ansatte jo har egen syge- og arbejdsløshedsforsikring og derfor ikke ville benytte sig af den slags rettigheder.
  3. Den fjendtlige holdning til alle der ser ’udanske’ ud, ikke taler perfekt og accentfrit dansk, og ikke lige spiser stegt flæsk med persillesovs hver dag kl. 18.00, og at vi danskere mener at vi ikke alene er de bedste i verden – til ALT – vi er de eneste der sådan rigtig tæller og dur.
  4. Ubegribeligt støjende overboer, der tilsyneladende lærer børnene i familien, at det er i orden at spille fodbold indendørs og at det gælder om at trampe så hårdt som muligt i gulvet.
  5. At bo i landet der opfandt begrebet asylnasser, og som tilsyneladende er stolt af det.
  6. De u-landsagtige forhold man bydes når man benytter busserne i København i myldretiden, hvor man bliver proppet ind i alt for få busser og står som sild i en tønde, og halvdelen af tjek-ud standerne ikke virker (sjovt nok virker tjek-ind standerne altid). I hvilket andet land ser man den ene bus efter den anden drøne forbi et af de mest centralt beliggende stoppesteder, enten fordi de er propfulde allerede eller fordi de ikke er i rute.
  7. Den evindelige blæst.
  8. Den elendige betjening de fleste steder og især i forretninger med hårde hvidevarer, som f.eks. Punkt 1.
  9. Den danske holdning om, at alt hvad der står fremme tilhører alle. Danske  over- og underboer, der derfor stjæler med arme og ben, så man ikke kan få nogetsomhelst leveret udenfor sin dør på etagen uden at det omgående forsvinder, og derfor heller ikke kan abonnere på f.eks. Årstiderne, Skagenfood, og VinoVenue, hvilket ellers er noget, der letter dagligdagen gevaldigt, når man har fuldtidsjob. Og danske kolleger, der konstant “låner” kaffe, mælk osv. uden nogensinde at erstatte det, de har taget.
  10. Nyhedsoplæsere, især på TV2 News, der taler elendigt dansk og tilsyneladende er fløjtende ligeglade.
  11. Og nu vi er ved fjernsynet: YouSee, der har til formål at gøre det så besværligt og kompliceret som muligt for deres kunder at se fjernsyn, og at de slipper godt fra det. For eksempel at påtvinge os at skulle anskaffe endnu et grimt monstrum i form af ”boxen” for at kunne se de – for mig – mest ”gængse” kanaler.
  12. Danske håndværkere (fra Svanekøkkenet), der dukker op flere dage senere end aftalt for at lave nyt badeværelse, afmonterer toilettet og smider det ud, og derefter ikke viser sig igen i 14 dage. Og lader som om de aldrig før har hørt nogen sige, at det faktisk ikke har været specielt sjovt at leve uden et toilet i to uger. Og sådan kunne man blive ved, indtil de måneder senere langt om længe også gør køkkenet ”færdigt” ved at sætte listen i vinklen mellem bordplade og væg op FØR de sætter tapetet op. For de ved jo godt, at de i den mellemliggende tid har opført sig så elendigt, at man ikke orker at klage over nogen af fejlene og manglerne, fordi man bare aldrig mere skal have hverken dem eller andre danske håndværkere inden for sit hjems fire vægge.
  13. Den ynkelige frugt- og grøntkvalitet i forretningerne.
  14. De så højt besungne danske værdier som mest går ud på retten til at såre minoriteter og håne dem, der mener, at der er noget, det er værd at dø for, bare fordi vi ikke selv synes det.
  15. At bo i en hovedstad der tillader turistbusser at holde i store stimer med motoren kørende i både halve og hele timer – endda lige uden for restauranter med fortovsservering og kontorer hvor folk forsøger at arbejde. Det er hændervridende irriterede at høre på.
  16. At bo i et land hvor statsoverhovedet er født til at være det og af og til udtaler sig på Danmarks vegne selvom vi ikke har haft mulighed for at stemme på hende og hun intet ved om det virkelige liv. Faktisk gør det mig rasende.
  17. At bo i en hovedstad der ikke har nævneværdige regler for gademusikanter, og de få regler der er, bliver ikke håndhævet.

Fresh-smelling laundry minus conventional fabric softener

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Most fabric softeners contain toxic chemicals and are bad for you and for the environment. For example, phthalates are added with the only purpose of providing scent.

Furthermore, they clog up your washing machine and render for example towels and tea towels ineffective. In short, they are bad for you, for your washing machine and for the environment.

Instead, fill up the container with white vinegar. It will soften your laundry and help keeping your washing machine clean inside.

It will not make your laundry smell of vinegar, but if you want to add a scent, add up to five drops of essential oil to the vinegar. If you are not (yet) into essential oils, lavender is a good one to start with, but it could also be bergamot, patchouli, geranium or whichever oil you like.

Here is a slightly more ‘cumbersome’ recipe for home-made fabric

Ingredients:

  • 10g baking soda
  • 150-200 ml hot water
  • 800 ml apple cider vinegar
  • 20 drops essential oil

Preparation:

In a large bowl, combine water, baking soda and apple cider vinegar. It will bubble up quite spectacularly. When it settles, pour into a bottle and add essential oil of your choice. Close and shake well before each use. Four tablespoons is enough per wash.

Smagfuldt eller smagsfuldt

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ENDELIG er et medie begyndt at beskrive mad, der er fuldt af smag, som smagsfuldt, i stedet for smagfuldt, som jo betyder noget helt andet. På samme måde som mad, der ikke smager af noget, selvfølgelig er smagsløst, og ikke (nødvendigvis) smagløst. Og det er selvfølgelig Politiken, der går forrest.

Det er ikke noget, jeg er stolt af ……

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….. men jeg bliver nødt til at skrive det ned, for nu skrives der igen om, at pårørende skal passe de syge og ældre mere, for eksempel her: http://politiken.dk/forbrugogliv/sundhedogmotion/sygdom/ECE2356546/paaroerende-skal-passe-de-syge-og-aeldre-mere/.

Det risler mig koldt ned af ryggen når jeg læser den slags. I slutningen af 2012 begyndte min mor, som med lidt hjælp af og til havde klaret sig selv i 88 år, at blive mere og mere svækket både fysisk og mentalt. Hvis jeg kunne have spurgt hende, ville hun givet have sagt, at 2013 blev det værste år i hendes liv – måske lige bortset fra det år, min far var syg og døde, cirka 30 år tidligere. Sidste år står i hvert fald stadig som lidt af et ’annus horribilis’ for mig. Heldigvis har jeg en lidt yngre bror som trak sin del af læsset og jeg synes selv, at vi samarbejdede mere end fint, men her på siden taler jeg kun for mig selv. Desuden havde min mor et godt forhold til en usædvanlig sød ung overbo, som også trådte til når han kunne, på trods af ønske om at gøre karriere og mange fritidsaktiviteter.

Min mor er død nu, og jeg vil ikke gå i detaljer om hendes lidelser og ydmygelser – kun at stort set hver dag kom til at handle om hende på den ene eller den anden måde. Først hjælp til mange praktiske ting og kampen for at få hjælp fra kommunen. Min mor tilhørte en generation, der ikke beder om hjælp, og hun var som regel i stand til at tage sig gevaldigt sammen og rent ud sagt lyve for visitator, når denne kom på besøg. Min bror og jeg blev altid bedt om at mindst en af os var tilstede ved møderne, men blev aldrig spurgt om noget som helst og fik aldrig ‘taletid’. Vi havde altid følelsen af, at dér røg endnu en halv fridag til ingen verdens nytte. Når så endelig hjælpen trods alt var på plads, var min mor i mellemtiden blevet dårligere, og så startede kampen for mere hjælp. Derudover blev det i stigende grad nødvendigt, at en af os ustandselig måtte smide alt og haste ud til hende, somme tider flere gange i døgnet. Alt gik op i ‘projekt mor’, og ganske almindelige familiesammenkomster som vi havde været vant til, og set frem til, var der ikke længere tid eller overskud til.

En plejehjemsplads kunne i lang tid ikke komme på tale – kun et par såkaldte ’aflastningsophold’ som til gengæld krævede pakning og udpakning og pakning igen og tilstedeværelse under transport til og fra. Og en masse koodinering, da det var vores job at henholdsvis af- og tilmelde vaskeservice, hjemmehjælp osv. hver gang – kommunen gjorde det ikke. Både min bror og jeg har fuldtidsjob som ingen af os havde til hensigt at opgive og på et tidspunkt løb vi begge tør for ferie- og afspadseringsdage. Dette var man i kommunen ophøjet ligeglade med. Jeg fik ved flere lejligheder at vide, at ’de fleste døtre ville anse det for et privilegium at tage orlov og gå på pension for at få lov til at passe deres mor i hendes sidste år’. En sætning, der stadig kan få mig til at gå i noget nær panik.

For det første er jeg glad for mit arbejde, men ikke for at bo i Danmark, og når jeg om ikke så mange år går på pension bliver det for at flytte ud af landet – IKKE for at skifte ble på en gammel forælder. Det var tydeligt, at jeg i kommunen blev anset for at være verdens værste datter.

Jeg vil også gerne understrege, at det er IKKE hjælp til klatindkøb, eller ledsagelse til lægebesøg fra plejehjem (for sådan er det allerede) jeg opponerer imod. Den slags gør man selvfølgelig gerne. Det er, for bare at nævne et enkelt aspekt af mange, eneansvaret for, at der hele tiden er mad i køleskabet, at det bliver spist, og det, der bliver for gammelt bliver smidt ud, der hurtigt bliver for meget, hvis man som jeg i forvejen har rigeligt at se til med at få sit eget liv til at hænge sammen rent tidsmæssigt.

For det andet har min mor og jeg ikke haft den slags mor/datter-forhold hvor vi bare nød hinandens selskab. Tværtimod har det for mig mest handlet om at være så lidt alene sammen med hende som muligt. Det lyder forfærdeligt, men så er det sagt, og jeg tror ikke på, at jeg er den eneste, der har haft det sådan. Og det kan ikke nytte noget at forvente, at et ’barn’ (i 60’erne) skal opgive et godt job for at pleje en mere og mere fysisk svækket og dement forælder, medmindre begge parter ønsker det.

Hvis plejen ydes modvilligt og af ren ansvars- og pligtfølelse, og ikke af lyst og kærlighed, og modtages fordi det er eneste mulighed, bliver det endnu mere ydmygende for begge parter end det er i forvejen.

Alt dette betyder selvfølgelig ikke, at jeg ikke havde frygtelig ondt af min mor, og min bror og jeg gjorde hvad vi kunne og mere til, syntes vi selv, men det kostede, og på et tidspunkt gik jeg ned med flaget og måtte sygemeldes i fire uger. Det var en kæmpe lettelse ikke at skulle tænke på at skulle på arbejde i den periode (selvom jeg hellere ville have været dér), men der gik jo stadig ikke en eneste dag hvor jeg ikke skulle beskæftige mig med ’projekt mor’ på den ene eller den anden måde. Jeg fyldte 61 sidste år, og måtte for første gang sande, at kræfterne ikke var, hvad de havde været.

Min mor kom på plejehjem i starten af i år, efter hvad der føltes som en lang og sej kamp. Desværre blev det ikke nogen succes. Trods gode rammer – FANTASTISK personale, dejligt værelse, smukke omgivelser – var hun meget bevidst om, at hun blev mere og mere dement, og blev derfor mere og mere frustreret, forpint og fortivlet og ønskede kun at dø, og det ønske blev opfyldt i sidste måned. Jeg føler ikke sorg som sådan – nærmere lettelse over, at hun har fået fred i en alder af 90. Den mor jeg havde, havde jeg forlængst taget afsked med, og de tårer jeg af den ene eller anden grund skulle fælde over hende var forlængst fældet, i hvert fald de fleste af dem, men der går lidt tid, før jeg kan slippe det sidste par års begivenheder, og jeg ville ønske, min mor kunne have været sparet for dem. Og jeg får stadig ondt i maven når jeg hører, læser eller tænker ordene visitator og Gladsaxe Kommune.

Og så vil jeg gerne tilføje et par ord om det med at få lov til at søge om plejehjem. Jeg hørte fra forskellige, at der sådan set ikke er mangel på plejehjem i Danmark. Samtidig fandt vi jo ud af, at det absolut ikke er billigt at bo på plejehjem. Det koster (alt inklusive) hvad der svarer til to folkepensioner (hvilket min mor modtog, og det løb lige rundt). Hvordan kan man synes, at det er billigere med hold af plejere, startende med hjælp til medicintagning tidligt om morgenen og derefter en lind strøm af hjælpere tre-fire gange i døgnet, rengøringshjælp, vaskeservice, levering af mad osv. osv. for slet ikke at tale om de sygemeldinger der uvægerligt følger med, når ‘børn’ i 60’erne forventes, udover at passe deres fuldtidsjob, at stå til rådighed når den gamle bliver tørstig eller skal på toilettet (for det sker jo altid når der IKKE er plejere til stede), eller bliver bange og vækker naboerne ved at råbe om hjælp midt om natten?

Men man kan selvfølgelig sige, at med de krav der stilles til os, bliver 60-70-års-alderen det travleste og mest opslidende årti i vores liv, og dermed sikrer man, at vi ikke selv lever så længe, at vi får brug for plejehjem. Så på lang sigt er det måske alligevel en besparelse.

 

Danmark er i sandhed et mærkeligt land

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Lidt forsinket læser jeg i avisen fra lørdag den 26. juli (Serie: Mit genbrug) til min store overraskelse, at man ikke bare må tage hvad andre har lagt til storskrald. Altså bevidst smidt ud. Jeg kan ikke se logikken, i betragtning af, at det her i landet anses for i orden at tage for sig af mad, vin og andet, der er leveret foran andres hoveddøre i aflåste opgange – sådan er det i hvert fald i den opgang jeg bor i. Og opslag i opgangen hvor man brokker sig over alt det der bliver stjålet på den måde bliver omgående fjernet – for dét må man ikke! Danmark er i sandhed et mærkeligt land.

Hvorfor i alverden drikker voksne danskere sodavand …..

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….. og hvorfor lader de deres børn drikke det i så store mængder?

Overskrift i Politiken 28. juli 2014: ‘Partier glæder sig over boom i salget af sodavand’ (det viser sig i artiklen, at der især er tale om dåsesodavand – hvilket kun gør det værre). Med andre ord kører selv voksne danskere frisk og frejdigt kemikalier, farvestoffer, kunstige smagsgivere og, måske den største dræber af alle, sukker, (næsten) direkte ind i blodbanerne. Med flere overvægtige, flere hjertekarsygdomme og flere tilfælde af sukkersyge som resultat. Det er klart at politikerne glæder sig. Den såkaldte sundhedssektor skal jo også holdes i live.

Afskaf lortet eller, som bl.a. Ea Bram Jensen foreslår – smæk en tårnhøj moms på og sænk i stedet momsen på ordentlig mad og drikke som er kalorierne værd i næring og/eller nydelse (de to ting kan faktisk godt forenes).

Udenlandske hjemløse ….

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Udenlandske hjemløse skaber selvfølgelig utryghed, i modsætning til de danske hjemløse, for ‘udenlandsk’ betyder jo ‘farlig’ på dansk: http://politiken.dk/indland/ECE2311184/politiet-gaar-paa-sommerjagt-efter-udenlandske-hjemloese-i-koebenhavn/