I hear from and read about many people who are secretive about their cancer diagnosis, and go on being quiet about it even once they are cancer free again.

Whereas if someone has a common cold they shout it from the rooftops and act like they are at death’s door.

So why the secrecy, silence and stigma in the case of cancer, and perhaps especially breast cancer? People need to be aware of the fact that shit happens, and of the symptoms, however diffuse. We are all expert deniers. I certainly was – of all the forms of cancer one can get, breast cancer was probably, for me, the most distant from my mind.

I was negligent, which is why I am so grateful that I did not need any further treatment neither before nor after the bilateral mastectomy, and that I am now – for all intents and purposes and as far as anybody can ever be completely certain of it – cancer free.

After I moved to Berlin in January 2016, I never got my act together and found a gynecologist for an annual check-up, despite several reminders from my GP. My excuse for procrastinating in this regard was other minor needs for “medical attention” – knee problems, cataract surgery, etc.etc. – there was always something ….. those were my excuses.

I did go to the public mammography screenings, but skipped the one in the middle of Covid. I then did go to the one in June this year when the invitation came, thinking – this will be my last mammography, since they only go to the age of seventy. Little did I know how prophetic that would turn out to be.

A cancer diagnosis is life-changing. And this comes from someone who was only aware of it for less than two months. What must it be like to live with the uncertainty for years, even decades?

The way I see it is that you might as well try to make something even remotely positive out of a traumatic experience and time and turn it into a kind of awareness-raising activity.

Denial about the possibillity of a cancer diagnosis (let’s not forget that it directly affects one in three or four of us) can cost lives.

Provided my Covid19 PCR test due this afternoon is negative, I am almost on my way to “reha” – much more about that later – I wonder if the subject will be just as hush-hush at the dinner table in a facility designed to bring cancer survivors, and I think also people who are living with cancer, back to a “normal” life as it is out in the real world.